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Nadler Subpoenas Trump to Appear Before Firing Squad, Bring Bullets

Supreme Court Declines to Intervene

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WASHINGTON, DC (Real Fake News) – House Judiciary Committee Chairman Jerrold Nadler (D-NY) last night issued a subpoena on President Donald J. Trump to appear later today before a firing squad in the House Chamber.

The subpoena also ordered Mr. Trump to bring his own bullets.

“Mr. Trump has refused to cooperate with our efforts to destroy him personally and politically, which is a violation of our Constitution that cannot go unanswered,” said Mr. Nadler in a statement. “Summary execution is an inherent power of the House of Representatives, and President Trump has left us no alternative but to invoke it.”

Mr. Trump’s attorneys immediately filed for an injunction with the courts. It took less than three hours for the Federal District Court for the District of Columbia, the DC Court of appeals, and the U.S. Supreme Court to deny the injunction.

The Supreme Court issued a short one-paragraph order written by Chief Justice John Roberts on behalf of himself and five other justices stating, “The Supreme Court generally does not involve itself in political disputes and declines to do so in this instance so as to avoid even the appearance that we allow political considerations to influence our rulings.”

Justice Clarence Thomas issued a dissent joined by Justices Samuel Alito and Neil Gorsuch stating, “While we do believe that Congress has the inherent power of summary execution, we also believe that this issue has been left unaddressed by this court for far too long and that this court should have the courage to accept this appeal and address the issue head on.”

When asked what action the House would take if Mr. Trump refuses to cooperate with the subpoena, Mr. Nadler replied, “The courts have already affirmed the validity of this subpoena. If Mr. Trump refuses to follow the rule of law by failing to appear before the firing squad, we will send the House Sergeant-at-Arms to arrest him and place him in the House Dungeon until he agrees to cooperate.”

Early this morning, after the courts refused his request for an injunction, Mr. Trump issued a tweet stating, “No coperation w/ Dems on any legislation until they stop trying to kill me. #NoCollusion #NoObstruction #NoCoverUp #MAGA”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, asked whether executing President Trump would be productive for the country, responded, “I don’t know. We have to execute President Bush first to see what happens.”

Ken Falkenstein

Author: Ken Falkenstein

Ken Falkenstein is the Managing Editor of Committed Conservative and brings a wealth of experience and expertise in public affairs to the job. Ken served in the U.S. Army in the last years of the Cold War as a Russian linguist for military intelligence and the NSA. After leaving the Army, he earned his degree in Secondary Education from Old Dominion University, where he also wrote a popular column in the student newspaper. Upon graduation, Ken worked as a Legislative Aide to two Republican members of the Virginia House of Delegates. Ken also served as Corresponding Secretary of the Young Republican Federation of Virginia, managed several successful political campaigns, and managed governmental affairs operations for a local Realtor association. In 1995, Ken moved to Washington, DC to serve as a Legislative Assistant to Sen. John Warner (R-VA). While working for Sen. Warner, Ken attended law school at night, earning his J.D. with honors from the George Mason University School of Law (n/k/a The Antonin Scalia Law School). Since that time, Ken has practiced as a civil litigation attorney, including serving for three years as an Associate City Attorney for the City of Virginia Beach, Virginia. Ken previously was a contributor to the highly-regarded political blog Bearing Drift and was a weekly co-host of The Steve Batton Radio Program. In 2016, Ken ran unsuccessfully for the Virginia Beach School Board. Ken is also a former President of the Down Syndrome Association of Hampton Roads. Ken now lives outside of Denver, Colorado with his wife, Kim, and three sons, Adam, Dylan, and Joshua, who has Down syndrome. Ken’s writing is motivated and informed primarily by his concern for his kids’ future.